Heart Analysis

Lately, I have really enjoyed writings and speaking sessions by Paul David Tripp.  Something that stands out to me about Tripp’s teaching is his focus that our issues as believers ultimately being heart issues, especially concerning relationships.

I think many marriage or relationship counselors today, even Christian ones, often have couples/families focus on repairing things like communication, intimacy, time together, etc.  Sadly, what’s often missing is the most important – first repairing our relationship with God.

It’s not that I don’t love my husband enough, or I don’t love my friends enough; it’s that I don’t love God enough.  That is it and that is hard to swallow – I don’t love God enough. I am not pursuing Him. I am not doing the most important thing I am called to do as a believer – become more like Christ.

How can I expect my horizontal relationships to grow and flourish if my vertical relationship, the most important, the relationship with my Father, is lacking?  The answer is I cannot. If I try to repair these relationships without first repairing my relationship with God, I will not succeed.

Surprisingly after this introduction, relationships are not what I want to blog about today specifically; rather, I want to discuss something we were teaching in middle school this week, and that is the progression of sin based on our desires.

Tripp outlines this progression and it really hit me this week because of a want I am struggling with. Not necessarily a bad want in and of itself, but how I sometimes see myself dealing with it lately is not correct.

Here are the steps:

1.    Desire “I want” – I want something. In fact, I want many things, which may not be bad, but this desire can often grow to be a…

2.    Demand “I need” – I now think that I need this desire. Instead of holding out an open hand and being submissive to God’s will, I have a clenched fist of control.  Demand becomes…

3.    Need “I will”  - My desire has turned into something I must have. If I don’t get it my way, I will get angry or upset. I may feel deprived from God for this one thing I am not getting, rather than grateful for God’s wonderful control over my life. I may begin to doubt God and have bitterness or envy. Need gives birth to…

4.    Expectation “You should” – Have you ever said to yourself, “Well, if God really loves me, he should give me…” This is SUCH wrong thinking. God does love His children, but that doesn’t mean He will answer all our prayers the way we want. That doesn’t mean we should now take control of our lives to get what we want because we think God would want us to have it because He loves us. God does NOT exist to make us happy. We exist to glorify God. Yet, if we are not happy, what happens next is…

5.    Disappointment “You didn’t” – I become disappointed in God or others because they have ‘wronged’ me because I did not get my way. God did not meet my expectations.  Since when does God ever have to meet my expectations?  Who is the servant? It should be me.  Disappointment then leads to…

6.    Punishment “Because you didn’t, I will” – I am hurt, so I take my hurt feelings out on God and/or others. So I punish them. Maybe not outwardly, but in my own way. I am angry with God or this person because I did not get my way.

I think this is something we all struggle with as believers.  Though we know we should live in a Kingdom of God, we often live in a Kingdom of self. How frequently are we the king/queen, rather than our focus being on the true King and His desires for our life.  I fail miserably at this often because I so often think of self, what I deserve.

Truthfully, I deserve hell. By God’s grace alone and Jesus’s payment for my sin, I have been spared and washed clean. Why do we as believers so often think we deserve things, like material things or even happiness? Why do marriages end between couples who cite that they are no longer happy? Who said you deserved happiness? It’s only by God’s grace that we have true happiness, and that comes from a relationship with Him.

I am trying to keep this lesson in the forefront of my mind as I struggle with desire and control issues. Again, not about marriage or even relationships with others so much, though I know these are always issues I should be working on.

I am just reminded again and again lately how often my focus is on me rather than God.

Father, thank you for reminding me that you are sovereign and in control of all things. Forgive me for often forgetting you are in control, and for often trying to make myself in control. I do have wants, some good, some not good. Please continually open my eyes to Your desires for my life. Father, Your will be done.

*This progress is based on Tripp's Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands