A sweet life in God’s hands

On the morning of Thursday, July 22, I found out that J and I are expecting a precious gift from God - a sweet child that He has created and is forming.

I say “I” found out because it really was I. J was in Haiti and I didn’t want to tell him over the phone, so I surprised him when he returned on Sunday afternoon. Although we were trying, it was a surprise because before he left I told him I didn’t think I would be pregnant this month because of how I was feeling and a few other things. I was using FAM, so I was tracking everything every day, and while he was in Haiti and my temps were still up, I started to become more optimistic. I was so happy to see a positive appear on that test, and I thanked God for the life he was forming (and still is) inside of me.

We are SO excited! After nearly 8 years of marriage, we are thrilled at the opportunity to become parents. I can’t say that I was always “ready.” I think because I grew up in situations where I was always caring for other people’s children, I often felt like a mom then, and I was just happy to have time where I didn’t have to watch children. I really enjoyed the time that we have had together as a couple. It’s amazing to me how God has worked and is working in our marriage, and I am so thankful for this next step to be parents together.

Although I know that this will be a new role for us - daddy and mommy - I also believe that we are merely vessels for this child. I am carrying God’s child. He has placed this child in our care for I don’t know how long, but this is His son or daughter, not just ours, and we have no control over the plans God has for this child. Even though we would like to plan it all out (me especially), and even though I know we will do our best to be the best parents we can, ultimately this is His child. He has a purpose for him/her already that will not be, I’m sure, exactly what we would will plan. Maybe not even close.

We are excited, and praying for a healthy pregnancy, safe delivery and healthy baby, but constantly reminding ourselves that God is in control of all things and His will be done.

So far the pregnancy has been pretty good with a few ups and downs. I felt pretty sick the first trimester, but I was so grateful the baby was growing and healthy, so I really didn’t care too much about how I felt. We waited until I was 12 weeks until we told our family and close friends. The two biggest reasons for why we waited were to be a little more sure that the little bean was growing (though we can never be certain, regardless of weeks, God’s plan for a pregnancy) and also because I can’t stand the attention. The less attention I receive (therefore the less time people know I am pregnant), the better off I am. I had one friend who waited until she was five months to tell. To be honest, that doesn’t sound too bad to me.

I am due March 30, 2011. Now 20 weeks, I feel great and am grateful to not have gained any weight yet (I’m sure it’s coming because this little wiggle worm is going to be growing a lot more in the coming weeks!). I’m also still wearing all of my regular clothes. The longer I can go without spending money on maternity clothes, the happier I will be. I still have a few more inches in my pants, so maybe I can hold off another few weeks.

I feel the baby move on a somewhat regular basis. I felt the first movement at 12 weeks. I was in the shower and had just put my leg up to shave, and I felt something completely different than what I had felt before. Sure enough, that same feeling has increased each week and it is truly such a blessing to feel. To me, it feels like a butterfly doing flips, and also a little bit like that feeling you have when you drive over railroad tracks.

We find out in a few days what we are having. Because of the way my appointments are scheduled, it’s actually kind of late. I know a few people who are due a few weeks after me that already know, but I have waited this long, so what’s a few more days. (BTW – I greatly admire people who can wait until the baby comes, especially for that first baby. You gals rock!) More than anything, we are praying that the ultrasound shows a baby developing as he/she should.

We are praying for this little one. That even now as God is forming this child, that He is speaking to this child and that this child will know our God. There is nothing greater than that!

Psalm 139: 13-14; 16 - For you formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, And that my soul knows very well. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in your book they were all written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.